What Happens To Truth When I Sleep?

I grew up in a typical Canadian Roman Catholic house. My mother dragged the kids to church on Sunday while Dad stayed home and did yard work. To say I was uncomfortable in church would be an understatement. I watched hundreds of people going through the motions of faith.

Stand up, say the words, sit down. (repeat)
Stand up, mouth out the song, sit down.
Kneel, say the words, stand up, say hallelujah, mouth the song, sit down.
Then we ate the body of Jesus, who tasted like envelope glue.

I just never really understood what all this pomp and circumstance had to do with God.

I had a life-changing moment at the age of twelve when I asked Fr. Lavergne a simple question about my spirit.

"Where does my spirit go when I sleep?"

Now this may sound like like a stupid question, but at the age of twelve I had surmised that my body, or at least my brain in particular, organized energy in such a way that it is able to build intelligence and memory. It is memory that gives this life-force its character, is distinction, and the definition of our spirit, or our sentience. When we sleep, parts of this memory are shut off, and at times, we cease to be ourselves.

This had really upset me, because it felt like I was being lied to at church. My spirit seemed to be attached to my body in the same way that the soul of my computer is attached to the electrical cord, a thingy that could be shut off at any time. There are hundreds of stroke victims that could be used here as an example, but at the time, I only knew that I wasn't myself when I slept.

I found out later on in life that I am also not myself when I drink, and even less of myself on hallucinogens.

So what is this spirit that the church wants me to save? Once my body has turned to dust, and my spirit has no memory to build upon, what will I become?

"You sound like a Buddhist." was his reply.

Those five simple words were a calling to another path for me, although I'm not sure Fr. Lavergne meant them the way I took them.

I have become aware that my current spirit is a finite entity, to be enjoyed while it lasts. It can be changed by changes or injuries to my body. It can cease to exist with a fall of twenty feet, or become a completely different spirit with a mere blood clot, or virus.

My energy is part of a much larger entity. Through meditation, I have discovered that I can visit this entity. Strangely enough, this realization has provided a Rosetta Stone to the teachings of the church that I learned as a child.

And that is where I'm going with this blog. Your comments are welcome.